[KGIII]

please write more. write whatever you like and as much as you can. i will read. you have a way with it.

I did warn you, way back in the top post, that I'm a pretty prolific poster. It's what I do. 'Snot like I've got a whole lot more to do, I'm pretty much retired. Well, I keep obligating myself to stuff, but in theory I'm mostly retired.

I'm not sure what you want to know about, but that's okay. I told you, I'm a writer!

I will write about music.

As a performing musician, I'm actually given great honers. See, what do you do when you go see a live music act?

Hint: You emote. You feel something.

When I perform, people are paying me money to control their emotions. I can make the crowd laugh, dance, sing along, and sometimes even cry. People give me that much power over their emotions.

Granted, they're usually intoxicated. 'Snot like people go watch live music acts and stay sober. No, not the kind of people I tend to play for. They're usually pretty drunk.

See, I'm a trained classical guitarist. That's my guilty pleasure. I've been paid to play pretty much every other kind of music but classical music! I've played everything from country music to improv jazz, to blues, to 80s hair bands. In fact, I once played for a band that did the schools.

That's right... I used to play in a band that went from school to school and told kids not to do drugs. I was wasted the entire time. The irony is not lost on me!

Drugs and alcohol are an occupational hazard, when you're a musician. Seriously, learning to play the guitar is indicative of a lifetime's worth of bad choices. It's the truth. Pretty much every musician I know is a fuck up. Seriously, our lives are a mess!

If you don't believe me, find a guitarist that's performed for more than 15 years. That stupid son of a bitch will drive 200 miles in a snowstorm, in a car with no heat, to play a gig that pays him $50. He ain't right in the head. Trust me. I know these things.

(S)he will have accumulated a box of worthless guitar pedals. They'll have at least five broken amps at any one time. I pretty much guarantee they have a collection of not just very expensive guitars, I guarantee they have a collection of worthless guitars. They do, too.

We don't make much money. Only a very small percentage of musicians make more than minimum wage exclusively from their musicianship. The average, for the best of them that have been in the industry a long time, tops out around $68,000 per year. That's just middle-class in my country.

That's averaged against the stars that make millions. Musicians are poor. They work ungodly hours. They get treated pretty poorly. It's a horrible industry to get into.

I love it. It's the audience. I love to perform - I'm doing so right now. Right now, I'm doing it with words. I'm the consummate entertainer. I can juggle, yo-yo, do a bunch of illusions, etc. What? It gets me laid!

No, in all seriousness. I appreciate that people give me money and say, "Make me emote. Make me feel something. Make me forget my work. Make me forget my stress." And, for a little while - a time altogether too short, I make them emote. I make them feel. I make them sing, dance, drink, and I even get half them bastards laid -- it's drunk people!

Damned right...

It's simultaneously both the worst and best job possible. However, if you're already retired you get to demand a little respect. ;-) The band I currently play with is a regional cover band. I refuse to spend more than one night in a hotel. We do high-end, high-production covers. We do fairs, halls, corporate events, festivals, that sort of thing. I seldom play in a bar and I don't even carry my own guitars to the stage.

I got it pretty cushy with the band. I'm old. They're young. I'm teaching them how to make a living with their musicianship. I'm not teaching them to be rock stars. I'm teaching them to eat better than ramen noodles. I'm teaching them to make a median income for that particular niche, and to do so without touring - 'cause touring sucks. Seriously...

Don't go on tour with people you like. You will hate them at the end of it. I already told you, we make bad choices! You don't want to spend all day, in a smell bus, with the same person you're forced to play with. We are not clean people. We're pretty much a walking petri dish of viral and bacterial infections.

It will make drugs awfully appealing. It's an occupational hazard and nobody pays for our health insurance. So, don't even get into music performing unless you can afford to be really picky. Otherwise, it pretty much sucks and it's good only as a second source of income. If you're lucky, it'll pay for your near certain drug habit.

There... I wrote some more for you. It seemed the thing to do. (I'm pretty stoned and should be sleeping. Where I live, pot is legal.)