11-27-2018, 05:50 AM
It's after midnight and I'm wide awake. I don't really want to be, but I am.
I already have this month's posts covered and enough for a VPS, but that doesn't concern me. I enjoy writing!
I'm going to tell you why I don't play weddings anymore.
If you're unaware, the short version is that I am a mostly retired musician. Even when I had a real job, I have pretty much spent most of my life involved in music. Musicians are poor, so many of us play for a small secondary income - but it really is more that we enjoy it than it is about money.
And it is a pretty enjoyable thing to being music to people. It's great that we get to make them dance, sing along, and forget about life for a little while. However, it's not always as good as you might expect.
No, most of us don't have a backstage with hookers and blow. In fact, we're lucky if we even get a dressing room. Most of us are't stars with lucrative concerts.
Which is why we take gigs like playing at a wedding...
The last wedding I played was in June of 1998. I remember the year and month exactly, because I've refused to play another wedding. Weddings have, almost always, been more drama and hassle than any other kind of gig. It's a pain to get paid. It's a pain to satisfy the organizers. It's a pain to emcee the event. They just suck.
I was with a band called Kaös. The umlauts are important, but not for reasons that I'll get into today. Our lead singer was named Paul. Our drummer was also named Paul. So, we called the drummer "Wog", short for pollywog.
The night before the wedding, Wog had (we're pretty sure) had sex with the bride-to-be. At the very least, they were in a bedroom alone for quite some time and there were interesting noises coming from that room. I'm pretty sure they had sex.
Paul, the singer, was the kind of guy who'd jump off the stage and fight with the audience. I have bailed Paul out of jail numerous times.
The wedding reception was really getting started. The newlywed couple had their dance together and things were going just fine. Except Paul kept making jokes and innuendo about the newly married woman.
He's been doing this in-between songs, and sometimes speaking while we're playing, since the very start of our music performance. I should also mention he was very drunk, as was much of the band.
Paul finally said something along the lines of, "Wow, she's got good rhythm! At least that's what the drummer tells us!"
Which was when about half the audience bum-rushed the stage and the other half of the audience started fighting among themselves. It turned into a small riot. The end result was that several people ended up being hauled away in an ambulance and I had about $2,000 worth of equipment damaged beyond repair. Injuries included a broken arm, a broken jaw, and some guy with a nose that was spewing blood and not clotting. There were numerous other small injuries.
Notably, Wog (again, the drummer), did not skip a beat. He kept playing, even though he was the only one playing. Wog kept playing during the entire melee. In fact, one of us finally yelled at him to stop his stupid drumming and to wipe that stupid grin off his face.
See, everyone at the front of the band was involved in the fighting. Wog was the guy that boned the bride. Not a damned thing happened to him. Instead, I had to crack someone with a guitar, hit several people, got hit with a thrown beer bottle, and had some crazy lady trying to scratch me and pull my hair.
Wog, the culprit, got away completely without a scratch!
I haven't played a wedding since. I'll never play another wedding. For my daughter's wedding, I hired a band. (I confess, I did sit a set with the band at her wedding, but I wasn't paid to play, so we're not counting that.)
And that's why I don't play weddings.
I already have this month's posts covered and enough for a VPS, but that doesn't concern me. I enjoy writing!
I'm going to tell you why I don't play weddings anymore.
If you're unaware, the short version is that I am a mostly retired musician. Even when I had a real job, I have pretty much spent most of my life involved in music. Musicians are poor, so many of us play for a small secondary income - but it really is more that we enjoy it than it is about money.
And it is a pretty enjoyable thing to being music to people. It's great that we get to make them dance, sing along, and forget about life for a little while. However, it's not always as good as you might expect.
No, most of us don't have a backstage with hookers and blow. In fact, we're lucky if we even get a dressing room. Most of us are't stars with lucrative concerts.
Which is why we take gigs like playing at a wedding...
The last wedding I played was in June of 1998. I remember the year and month exactly, because I've refused to play another wedding. Weddings have, almost always, been more drama and hassle than any other kind of gig. It's a pain to get paid. It's a pain to satisfy the organizers. It's a pain to emcee the event. They just suck.
I was with a band called Kaös. The umlauts are important, but not for reasons that I'll get into today. Our lead singer was named Paul. Our drummer was also named Paul. So, we called the drummer "Wog", short for pollywog.
The night before the wedding, Wog had (we're pretty sure) had sex with the bride-to-be. At the very least, they were in a bedroom alone for quite some time and there were interesting noises coming from that room. I'm pretty sure they had sex.
Paul, the singer, was the kind of guy who'd jump off the stage and fight with the audience. I have bailed Paul out of jail numerous times.
The wedding reception was really getting started. The newlywed couple had their dance together and things were going just fine. Except Paul kept making jokes and innuendo about the newly married woman.
He's been doing this in-between songs, and sometimes speaking while we're playing, since the very start of our music performance. I should also mention he was very drunk, as was much of the band.
Paul finally said something along the lines of, "Wow, she's got good rhythm! At least that's what the drummer tells us!"
Which was when about half the audience bum-rushed the stage and the other half of the audience started fighting among themselves. It turned into a small riot. The end result was that several people ended up being hauled away in an ambulance and I had about $2,000 worth of equipment damaged beyond repair. Injuries included a broken arm, a broken jaw, and some guy with a nose that was spewing blood and not clotting. There were numerous other small injuries.
Notably, Wog (again, the drummer), did not skip a beat. He kept playing, even though he was the only one playing. Wog kept playing during the entire melee. In fact, one of us finally yelled at him to stop his stupid drumming and to wipe that stupid grin off his face.
See, everyone at the front of the band was involved in the fighting. Wog was the guy that boned the bride. Not a damned thing happened to him. Instead, I had to crack someone with a guitar, hit several people, got hit with a thrown beer bottle, and had some crazy lady trying to scratch me and pull my hair.
Wog, the culprit, got away completely without a scratch!
I haven't played a wedding since. I'll never play another wedding. For my daughter's wedding, I hired a band. (I confess, I did sit a set with the band at her wedding, but I wasn't paid to play, so we're not counting that.)
And that's why I don't play weddings.
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